For years now, I’ve been writing down band names, usually because I’ve heard someone say something that has a ring to it. Here are all of them, in very rough chronological order.

Below is the template for the bands:
Band Name
Genre
+++Album Name
++++++Song Name
Paragraph about my idea for the band

Pretty Plesiosaur
Educational pop

All The Horsemen
Hard rock
+++Age of Justice
+++Baron Wasteland
+++We Are Riding Forth
++++++Riding the Valkyries
‘We Are Riding Forth’ comes from a tale on the SCP Foundation, and ‘Riding the Valkyries’ comes from the podcast I Don’t Even Own a Television. I recommend both!

Cavern of Souls
Metal

Disasteriffic
Rock/Pop rock/Pop funk

Seasonal Hipster
Indie
+++☕
++++++Soy Story
+++[Wingdings]
+++[     ]
++++++[Drums]
++++++[Vocal]
Alright, I need to explain this one. So my envisioning of Seasonal Hipster is a band that pretty much rides the edge of Poe’s Law of hipsterdom – just on the edge of being taken seriously. The album names are all intentionally designed to be annoying to transcribe. The first one is the coffee emoji, the second one would be in Wingdings and would be an acronym of all the songs in the album, and the third one is five spaces. The songs on that last one would all be the individual instrumental tracks for one song. Yes, it’s that sort of band.

Logical Donkey
Psychedelic/Experimental
+++Let There Be Lightbulbs
++++++Random Lamps
This band name came out of a conversation with a mate, and is a direct reference to this concept.

Quarterstaff
Folk rock

Natural Justice
Rock

Speech Machine
Speed metal

Automatic Triangle
Triangle synth
+++Slightly Bigger Triangle
+++An Even Bigger Triangle
+++A Surprisingly Large Triangle
+++Quadrilateral Minus One
+++Sierpinski Was Right All Along
+++Pyramid Head
This one came out of a conversation with my second girlfriend. I imagine the whole thing to be done with a triangle. You know, obviously.

Aimless Circles
Goth

Slip Her Tactics
RnB
I keep going back and forth between this and Slipper Tactics.

Jar of Teeth
Screamo

Frozen Steel
Industrial tech

We Lost Our Instruments and Now Billy’s Our Guitar
A Capella

Mild Discomfort
Indie
+++Band-Aid on the Pool Floor
++++++Eye Contact
++++++Seat’s Still Warm
++++++Sex While The Cat’s Watching (Please Don’t Join)
++++++Flushing Twice
This one came out of a conversation with my best friend. You can see a pattern emerging.

Blood and Glitter
Glam rock
+++Ho, Slut, Scrag
+++Mail Order Birthday Bride
+++Jack the Stripper
I’m genuinely surprised that this one isn’t already a band.

Stealing Russia
Indie rock
+++Kremlin Fever
++++++The Hawk Only Knows Love
++++++Better Red Than Dead (In Bed)
++++++Put It In, Putin

​Death Row Selfies
Pop punk
+++Deep Down In Your Hipster Heart
+++Six Feet Off The Ground
This one probably has my favourite album names.

Tactical Graffiti
Rap
+++Highway Taxidermy
+++Hardcore
+++Road Head

Casual Blasphemy
Goth rock
+++Papal Bull
+++Whatever, Heretic
+++Ka Ka Ka

Striking Midnight
Rock
Thistles and Unicorns
The national flower and animal of Scotland, respectively.

Frayed Knot
Contemporary folk

Beyond the Scars
Goth Metal
+++Madness, Madness

We Invented Bears
Indie

Shaftesbury Underground
Instrumental/Experimental
This band I imagine as having a massively rotating roster, except the player of some ridiculously large and loud percussion instrument, possibly the gong or crash cymbals. ‘Shaftesbury’ is not a reference to anything in particular – I didn’t even know if it was a real place when I came up the band name.

Liberación De Los Dragones!
Metal/various varieties of rock
This one had to be changed once ‘Imagine Dragons’ got popular. I don’t know why it’s in Spanish.

Bitches with Spiders
All-girl punk
+++Arachnoslut
+++Dark Web
+++Black Widow

[name pending]
genre
Album 1
This one just amuses me.

Allocation of Flesh
Screamo

Avalanche of Humanity
Nu metal
+++Coming Down With Something

Icebreaker
Indie techno
+++Shattered Crystals

Listening is Mandatory
Electro pop
+++Prophets of Tomorrow

A Different Sky
New Age
+++Last Day in Paris
+++A Hill Covered In Heather
This is a reference to going overseas, and seeing a completely different night sky.

Committed to Solitude
Emo
+++The Abyss Gazes Back
++++++None in a Million
+++Black is the New Blues

The Gayest Straight Man
Glam rock
+++Metro is Hetero
+++Mardi Gras March
+++Flip Him Over (Tie Her Down)
+++Latex Genocide
+++Retrosexual
+++Flaming Confetti
+++Softly Beeping Gaydar
+++Oxford Street Blues
Every time I mention this one to friends, people keep trying to come up with more albums.

INVZN
EDM
Pronounced ‘invasion’.

Double Perpetration
Metal
+++Tripled
++++++Illegal Hold
++++++Strip Search
++++++Cuffmarks

Penny Five-Tooth
Country
+++Sitting on a Stump
+++Hickey on the Forearm

The Long Drop
Death Metal
+++Ropeburn

Commitment to Mediocrity
Pop rock
+++6/10

Girthquake
Hard rock
+++Dickter Scale
Nobody seems to get that the genre is a pun too. Well, now you do.

Full Contact
Adult contemporary
+++Kinky Fuckery
+++Bareback Riding
Most of this is a ’50 Shades’ reference. I still don’t know what genre that is.

Sufficiently Awkward
Indie duet
From ‘Mean Girls’.

Closed for Openings
Indie pop/rock

Icepick Lobotomy
Screamo
From ‘Cards Against Humanity’.

Side Project
Indie rock

Casualty of War
Punk rock
+++Condemned by Scorpions

Rightfully Dead
Death Metal
+++Nail in the Coffin
+++Knee-Deep in Viscera
+++Crushed-Up Corpse

Damage Control
Rock/metal
Wide-Eyed Innocents in the City of Rock and Roll
Another reference to ‘I Don’t Even Own a Television’.

Addicted to Sunshine
Alt rock/Soft rock
+++Celestial Circles
+++Sighing with Delight
From a Bill Wurtz video.

Concepts of Memory
Electronic/Prog rock
+++I Am The Fourth Dimension
+++Cybeach Lesbiality
‘Cybeach Lesbiality’ is a compressed version of ‘cyber beach lesbian reality’, and is a reference to the ‘Black Mirror’ episode, ‘San Junipero’.

Suicide in Slow Motion
Emo
+++Killing Me Slowly With Her Songs
++++++Glass Fully Empty
+++Forlorn and Forsworn
++++++Life In Vein
+++Falling Halfway Down

(w)incompetent
Techno
+++Motherfuckerboard

Dr. Drastic
One-man synth punk
+++Alliterary
+++Xylophobia
I legitimately have no idea what “One-man synth punk” would sound like. It just sounded cool.

Vanilla Existence
Emo punk
+++Nothing Left
+++Orgy in the Stars
+++Everything Hurts and I’m Dying
+++Angst and Fires
+++No Harmony Day

Echo Chamber
Acoustic soundboard

Angst Vortex
Emo
+++A Whirlwind of Tragedy and Despair
I heard one of these from a lecturer at uni, and the other one directly followed. I probably heard the band name, but I’m not positive.

Urban Deathmaze
Techno scream
From ‘The Simpsons’ episode, ‘The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson’.

Cosmic Chords
New Age
+++Transcend into Metamorphosis
I have a shirt with both of these things on it, and I still have no idea what they mean.

Medical Mercenaries
Metal
+++Chainsaw Surgery

Dance With The Raptors
Electrofunk
+++Lust of the Crocodile

Mutunus Tutunus
Hard rock
From the Roman version of Priapus – see the Wikipedia article. The genre is a pun.

Goon with Juice
Aussie Grunge punk

Adrenergic Storm
Speed Metal

Technomancy
Psych techno
+++21st Century Nightmare
I’m pretty sure this was from a similar conversation as the one that spawned Angst Vortex, but the album came first.

Invader Zero
Techno

Stabbed Vagina
All-girl Black Metal
+++Fuckwords
++++++The Hot Tub Is For Fucking
++++++Flesh Knife
+++Struation
++++++Scarlet River
++++++Here Kitty, Kitty
‘Struation’ is menstruation without ‘men’.

Eternal Ellipsis
Emo
+++Dot Dot Dot
You know how you’re on Facebook talking with someone, and there’s the constant three dots that show that someone’s talking, but they never actually talk? That.

Sexual Ice-Cream
Alternative Pop
+++Gellatio
+++Soft Serve
+++I Scream Man

A Bird Called Turtle
Indie
One of my friends got a new bird. There was a brief but spirited discussion about the name of the bird. Alas, it did not get called ‘Turtle’.

Butterfly Backwards
Acoustic emo/Acid jazz
+++Bittersweet Sunday
Another of my friends came up with both of these on the spot. If they are a reference to something, I do not know it.

Majestic St James
Indie/soft rock
+++Bridge on Blue
In a scene of my favourite movie, ‘Birdman’, you can see both Majestic Theatre and St. James Theatre in the same shot. See these two pictures.